Random Thoughts from Shopping

So, we had a party on Friday, and party planning inevitably involves at least 35 trips to the store in the same week. That’s just the way it is. It doesn’t matter if you make the world’s most thorough list or if you append things to your coworkers’ shopping lists and make them bring them to you (thanks Alexis and Lois) or if you just went to the store three hours previously. More things are going to come up and going to need to be purchased.

So, on the 34th shopping excursion of the week, and after an exhausting work week as well, my brain was overflowing with random thoughts, including the following:

On beverages:

– You might have a problem if you base your kid party snacks on how well they go with alcohol. Now, granted, I don’t have any kids, and I understand parents have to do some desperate things some times, like put clandestine wine in their coffee mugs before they take their kids to the park (true story). So, this might not be unusual… I don’t know. I promised some very young party guests that I’d provide juice and sidewalk chalk, so I had a quandary on my hands. Apple, which is my favorite juice? Or, orange, because the leftovers go well with vodka. I am guessing you can guess which one was selected.

– Your superstitions may have gone JUST a bit too far when someone offers you a FREE delightful Dr Pepper toward the end of a very long and stressful day, and you turn it down and ask for a Sprite instead because, “I THINK we should beat West Virginia this week, but I don’t want to be responsible for that if we don’t.” Because obviously, my consumption of 20 ounces of soda three days before a game that I’m NOT ACTUALLY PARTICIPATING in is going to slow down The Fastest Show on Turf. Yeah.

On underwear:

– Shopping for this is the most annoying shopping experience in the world. If you’re shopping for anything else in the world, you can try it out, and if it doesn’t work, it’s not a big deal. But underwear. Seriously. They enclose them in these packages where you can’t get to them, and even if they are loose in a giant bin or something, you can’t try them on. So, what are you supposed to do? Stand there and hold them up to you like an idiot? And what does that even accomplish? And you have such a wide range of choices, you know, from 18th century grandma to ridiculous things that say Fun in the Sun (which should not make sense, but sadly probably does for some people) or are made of macrame or have mustaches on them. Seriously? The mustache craze is beyond fathoming by me anyway, but mustaches on your underwear seem a little excessive. And then, once you’ve sorted through the myriad choices and unraveled the life-altering differences between bikini and hipster and boycut and low-rise and high-rise (seriously, are we apartment shopping or just trying to be clothed and decent?) then, you buy them. And, if you hate them, what can you do? You’re stuck with problems, which I really won’t go into.

– The shopping annoyance increases multi-fold whenever you realize that the only reason you’re buying these things is because you’re planning on traveling and really can’t find all your …umm, current supplies… to launder them. Or find time to launder them. And, even though Philadelphia is the City of Brotherly Love and all that, spending a whole week there half-clothed-ish is probably not something you want to do to test just how far that love goes.

On school spirit:

– I get that “yellow/gold looks so much better on TV.” We all get that, and I do not care about my appearance on gameday, so I am not one of these people who is all, “But yellow looks terrible with my skin/hair/Louis Vuitton bag.” It’s just that yellow is impossible to find. Every female Baylor fan I talked to this week was out scouring closets and stores trying to find some decent rags to wear to the “Gold Out” this weekend. I even had to borrow a shirt from my sister, who owns one of every possible clothing article on the planet, for my friend Melissa, and she only had one that fit the bill.

– And, as one of my coworkers asked me about my new cardigan, “Why are you saying gold? That’s yellow.” If we’re talking about finding actual gold-y gold clothing, well, that’s about as mythical as a clean recruit in the Kentucky basketball program Plus, we can’t all go around being shimmery all day every day. We have to leave some of that shine and ice for THE HELMETS FOR THE #BRINGTHEBLING GAME!


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