I think we all need to take a moment and just catch our collective breath, because the BEST. THING. IN. THE. NATALIE. UNIVERSE. has just been invented. 

And, for once, it actually does not relate to Baylor sports. 

What is it, you ask? It must be big to overpower the exciting aspects of my life like the terrible Winter-is-coming-maybe-but-not-really-but-we-still-have-to-wake-up-at-5-am-for-weather-messaging and my newfound (alleged) bakery-level scone-making ability. 

It’s this. 

Catch the Throne. 

Could anything make me happier than the fact that someone out there (HBO, you peeps are GENIUS!) thought it would be a brilliant marketing campaign to write rap songs about Westeros? And to make them free. And I love it. This is the best. 

The album, which I know you are all going to want, because obvi everyone else out there in the world must be equally as into #nerdthuglife as me, features some famous names like Big Boi and Wale. And it has song titles like “Mother of Dragons” and “Arya’s Prayer.” 

This kind of got me started thinking about writing my own GoT rap. This is all I have so far. 

Goin’ ham on the Others like Sam the Slayer / Gonna win the Game of Thrones cause I’m a real playa. 

When I’m up on the Wall, fool, call me the mayor / But watch out for the rocks my sis rocks in her hair. 

I got that Targaryen flow – blood and fire / I got that Stark blood too – and my wolf, he’s dire.

Not gonna be Jorah’ed – in the friend zone. Gonna be the real hero and win the Iron Throne. 

I. AM. SNOW. (said in the tone of Jay-Z a la “I Will Not Lose.”)

Award-winning, obviously. I can kind of see my friend and fellow GoT fan Dominick shaking his head as if in pain at this very moment. 

ANYWAY, mid-post,  I just listened to “King Slayer” and it features that Maybach Music girl saying – of course – Maybach Music. It would have been funnier if they had her say “Marillion music” or something but I don’t think she knows how to say anything except Maybach Music. 

So, suffice it to say, my night has been made. And I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. The ONLY thing that could be better about this is if Wale, my fellow Redskins QB fan had worked in an RG3 reference into the GoT song. For real. I would assume the role as savior of the Redskins’ hopeless squad is equally as uncomfortable as the Iron Throne. 

Game of Thrones (RG3)

Maybe for the next album. Or maybe HBO could let RG3 play Prince Oberyn. All good thoughts. 

 

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