There is a dental office in San Antonio that has commercials promoting the fact that they bake cookies in their office “so it smells like a bakery, not a dentist office.”

This is genius. Why? First, they lure you in with the scent and promise of cookies. Then, once you’re there, they give you a ton of drugs (aka “sedation dentistry” whatever that is) and put you to sleep all Zoolander/Mugatu style and subliminal message you with Cookie Monster raps or something.


And then, they wake you up and feed you cookies. And what do cookies contain? Sugar. And what does sugar do? Create cavities. And who charges you to fix cavities? Dentists.

This is totally expose’ worthy material. Combine this with another fact I learned this week, that – shockingly enough (or maybe nefariously enough) – a dentist created cotton candy, the most sugary, tooth-coating substance known to man.

They’re probably filling your teeth with Pixy Stick dust, peeps. Caveat dentor (I have no idea if that actually means beware of dentists in Greek or Valyrian or Mermish or something).