After nine long years, our relationship is over.
I can still remember the first day we met, in a hair salon in Tulsa for my bestie Sarah’s wedding. My eyes locked on you from across the bins of scissors and piles of loose hair. My sister was right beside me, saying, “Go for it,” and pushing me to consider getting out of my comfort zone. I’d never been the type of girl to go for sleek, smooth and hot.
But then, there you were. And you changed my life.
You helped me go from looking like Troy Polomalu in a Head and Shoulders commercial to looking like…
Hmm… Maybe a mostly normal haired person who still has thick Samoan hair. You have then there for me on the really important days of my life – my sister’s wedding, the days I gave presentations at work, the birth of Noelle (although to be honest, that wasn’t probably an expression of your finest work, but who blame you? It was 19 hours of unmedicated labor).
And now, I have to face the task of finding your replacement. Who will be up to the arduous task? I mean, we are not talking two or three swipes through a handful of fine, cornsilk hair. Your replacement will be expected to fight its way through locks that are so thick, stylists have to take a break midway through a cut just to rest their aching arms.
Thank you, straightener, for your years of service. You were straight-making, you were ceramic, you were toasty. We will not see your like again.
((( PS if anyone has any straightener recommendations, please share them! )))